Change is beginning and everywhere there are brilliant bursts of orange, red, gold and brown nestled amongst the rich greens of the oaks and pines. Leaves rustle as the breeze stirs them and I am transported back to when I was small and the world was perfect and secure all the time. Close your eyes, take in a deep breath and experience the aroma of the home-baked goodness wafting out of the cozy little farm house bakeries. There are families and farmers as far as the eye can see. The brilliant colors of the pumpkin patches warm and welcome all visitors on a crisp fall morning. The California sunshine spills in over the hills awakening everything as it floods the apple-filled canyons. Children, parents, grandparents and friends are all buzzing from orchard to orchard in celebration of the changing season.
Thank you, God, for a day filled with fun and wonder. Watching my child enjoy this region as much as I do is priceless. Spending time creating memories with my parents is a gift from you. On this occasion I find it amazing that I wasn't obsessed with the food at the event. There were so many other things to stimulate my senses. My next meal was the least of my concerns. That in itself, it a small miracle in my life. My desire is that I will begin to see the wonder in the people and places that surround me and that this will help free me from my need to use food as my one source of entertainment. There are so many other ways to celebrate the season that involve no food at all!
Change is in the air in more ways than one. Of course, the leaves are changing, the air is cooling and the holidays are coming! I am thankful for the change of heart that is taking place, too. I truly and deeply desire a permanent life change to begin to manifest itself in me...as a woman, as a parent, as a sister, as a daughter, and as a friend. My selfish, self-destructive days are coming to an end. I want to be the woman God has called me to be. Life is much too short to waste time feeling imprisoned in my own body. My outward appearance is not an accurate reflection of who I am inside.
Thank you for reading...more to come. :o)
A collection of journal entries from a sisiter on the way back to good health and good looks! My name is Heather and I am a 30 something year old woman on a quest to find the health I've squandered. My starting weight is 234.0 pounds and I am 5'7" (oh my gosh, I can't believe this has been published for the whole world to see!!!) My goal weight: 160 pounds
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1 comment:
O'Heather, what a great writing about Apple Hill. I am so glad that you were feeling so empowered today. I know what you mean about thinking about the next meal all the time. I am so glad that the hold that is having on your life is changing. I just need to get back to where I was this summer. I keep trying to figure out what changed. And I think that I figured it out. Salee and Alix are back. It's not even them that causes my eating, it's how I feel about myself and watching them live so carefree with food. I hate it. They can run and are athletic and eat like crazy. And I feel so mad that I have diabetes. I just hate it. Not to mention I am the only person in our household that has to watch what I eat and need to go exercise. So I have gone back to eating a lot of food well candy in secret and no one has taken the time to understand my disease except me, so I really don't even have to hide it, it is just that I feel guilty about it. Sorry if this seems very negative after such an uplifting writing by you. Tomorrow I want to commit to working out for at least 20 minutes. I am going to have to stop making excuses too. That is my prayer tonight.
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